Are You a Woman in Transition?

With life going at the speed of sound these days, women seem to be transitioning through one or more events in their life at the same time. It’s stressful! But what to do about it?

According to Barbara Scala, Bloom’s Founder and Editor and Attorney turned Certified Life Coach, there are 5 Ways to Bloom … to incorporate into your life every day so you can make each transition smoother.

Ask yourself if you are:

• Stuck?
• Changing careers or reentering the job market?
• Looking for passionate work or interests?
• Trying to reclaim your personal power?
• Dealing with a health concern?
• Recently married, separated, divorced, widowed?

If you answered “yes” to one or more questions, these are some of the transitions you may be experiencing. But there are lots more.

Take the Bloom^TM Quiz to see if you are a woman in transition.

Exclusive Special Offer: Introductory Sample Telephone Coaching Session offered to Bloom readers to help you with your transitions! Call Barb Scala, Bloom’s Editor and Life Transition & Divorce Coach at 203.521-1129 or email info@bloomonline.com. 

Dealing with Secrets

Dr. Dale, licensed psychologist who appears on the TODAY Show, joins us with her ongoing column SANITY SAVERS^TM for a Balanced Life.

Everyone, at one time or another, has told someone a secret. Everyone, at one time or another, has been asked to keep a secret.

Secrets are NOT for Children
For our purposes, we will be talking about secrets and adults. When children are told to keep secrets it is often in the context of a problematic or threatening situation. For their own protection they should know that they can always tell a trustworthy adult what is happening to them. A child who hears a disturbing secret or who is threatened or shamed into keeping a secret, needs to know that it is appropriate to share their secret with a trusted adult who can help or protect them. Often children who hold secrets, such as family embarrassments, tend to grow up with shame and confusion.

Telling Your Secret
When someone tells you a secret, they are valuing you as their friend. They are saying to you that they appreciate your loyalty and that they perceive you to be trustworthy. They may be asking for your advice or not. If you are not asked, don’t offer. Revealing information to people in your life means you feel safe enough with them to be vulnerable; it’s a form of intimacy.

What Does Keeping a Secret Mean?
When you hold someone’s secret you have a responsibility to honor that person and their right to privacy. You know you are a really good friend when you can hear your friend’s deepest secret and then, without judgment or criticism, resist the urge (if you have it) to tell someone else and, further, as far as the world is concerned, forget about what they shared with you.

Your Secret Comfort Level
First consider the position you are in. What does the fact that you have been told privileged information say about your relationship? Does being the recipient of that information cause you discomfort? What do you do if someone tells you something about his or her life? Perhaps they have an illness they do not want to make public or a co-worker shares that she plans to leave her job. Someone may confide they are cheating in their marriage, or engaged in unethical business practices, abused as a child, or has an unhealthy addiction. How do you handle it?

Here are Sanity Savers^TM to help you between the whispers:

• If You Don’t Want to Keep a Secret – Inform the teller at the first sign that a secret is going to be revealed that you’re not sure you can hear it. Let them know the reason for your discomfort so they don’t take your refusal as a personal rebuff. “If I hear it I know you will not want me to tell anyone and I am not sure I can do that, particularly if you are doing something illegal or hurting someone I love.”
• When You’re Pumped for Information - If people suspect something is “up”, they might try to persuade you to divulge the secret. First, relax. You don’t need to reveal anything you don’t want to or convince anyone that you know or don’t know anything. Your mission is not to tell. When asked a direct question, talk normally and give a simple response. Resist becoming angry or defensive. Shift your focus to something else without “red flagging” the change of subject to raise suspicion. For example, you might be at a party and someone may ask you if your friend is ill. You don’t want to lie but also don’t want to betray your friend’s confidence in knowing her secret. Saying, “I’m not at liberty to talk about anything,” might just be too much information. Maybe it is better to politely and gently say, “I make it a habit of not talking about people’s private issues because I don’t like it when people talk about mine.” Then casually go onto another subject.
• When the Secret’s Been Let Out - You can go to the source and ask, “Have you ‘gone public?” I’ve heard this information and just wanted to let you know. If this is no longer a secret, and you are okay with people talking, I would like to know.” Or, just understand that people have their own way of working things out and maybe you were told something in confidence and then, later, they decided to share it with someone else who was less careful than you. It is never your prerogative to share someone’s confidence with a third party. Remember: It is the prerogative of person whose secret it is.
• Difficulty Holding a Secret – If you just cannot hold the information, or your find “it is making you sick” you need to go to the person who told you (or a therapist) and talk about how difficult it is for you and why it is such a challenge for you.
• Harmful Information – This is one time when you don’t have to keep a secret. If the person shares with you something that is endangering another person, illegal or perilous, or it is doing more harm keeping it than telling it, you may need to assume a more active role and/or reveal it to someone else who can help or to the appropriate authority. Strongly consider doing something. Even if taking a stand means jeopardizing your friendship, advocating your friend to do or not do something in order to avoid a destructive path will be more beneficial for both of you in the long run. True” friendships will likely survive these difficult situations.

No matter how juicy, how tempting, how interesting, you must remember that the secret information is NOT yours. It is the tellers’ and you are guarding it for him or her.

For more Sanity Savers^TM go to www.drdaleatkins.com.

Getting Power from Power Tools

For my own personal knowledge, I’d like to know how divorced women, or for that matter, any single woman, golf widow, or today’s woman without a big brother handles home repairs?

I know we’re all women of the 21st century but for some reason I was lacking the skills to do handy jobs around the house and just wondered if other women felt the same. Read more

It’s Your Office - Make It Functional!

The best thing you can do to make your office a pleasant place to work is not necessarily great looking furniture and equipment.  What you want to have is everything easy to use and accessible. 

Here are the “basics” for a functional office:

• Desk set up - Choose a desk with a comfortable height. L-shape or U-shape desk/work areas are best. An ideal L-shape is a desk surface that wraps around and allows you three function areas.  This gives you a place for the three essentials - computer, printer and work/writing space.  Placement of these three things will depend on whether you are right-handed or left-handed, the lighting and personal preference. The U-shape desk is important if your work involves a lot of project work, such as blue prints, photographic images or other creative work.  This layout gives you additional work space within reach of the main function space of your desk.
• The right chair- The type you choose is of personal preference and essential to your comfort and productivity in the office.
• Telephone placement-  If you are right-handed, it works best to have the phone on the left side of your work/writing space so you can hold the phone with your left hand and write with your right hand.
• Lighting - Having enough lighting and the right lighting is also very important. Be sure to have both general lighting and also task lighting near your work area. A window providing some natural light is ideal. I see many home offices where there just isn’t enough light near the work area.  Light up your work space, improve your productivity and lose feelings of isolation especially if you work from home.
• Basic office supplies - Keep these accessible to your work/writing space.  It’s helpful to have the right container to hold these items so they don’t spread out all over your work surface.
• Bulletin board - Display current project papers or essential reference materials.  It needs to be placed where it is handy and easy to use.  Beware becoming a catch-all. Periodically clear it of non-essential items.
• Working papers or files - Keep important papers near at hand.  If you have the space, use a small file crate on the desk top for your “action” files. Vertical file systems keep things easy to see and reference, and helps eliminate accumulation of paper piles on the desk!

Locate files and other supplies not used on a daily basis, in other areas of the office or in a supply closet.

As you evaluate your office, choosing the right desk set up and having the right lighting are the places to start so you can have an office that is both functional and pleasing to work in!

  

Jill McKean, Organize It, is a professional organizer specializing in office organization for small businesses and self-employed professionals. She is a member of the National Association of Professional Organizers (NAPO). You can reach Jill at 203-431-6562 or info@organizeit-now.com or www.organizeit-now.com.

 

 

 

  

   

     

        

            

                

                     

                          

      

      

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7 Ways To Jump Off Your Fitness Weight Loss Plateau

June 6, 2006 by Kristen Hallett Rzasa  
Filed under Articles, body & exercise

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Summer is just about here and you’ve hit a snag in your get-in-shape program. The weight loss and fitness gains you’ve experienced seem to have come to a screeching halt and you’re afraid your motivation will do likewise.

Not to worry, you can jump off that plateau with the following strategies: Read more

Tags: bloom seeds, organize your life