Treat Yourself Well

Think of how much more interesting your life will be if you make daily decisions to live it fully.

Depend on Yourself
Whether married or single, it is better to depend on yourself to do what interests you rather than wait for others to invite you to participate in something that may or may not suit you.Sometimes single women feel as if they are 3rd wheels and are uncomfortable being with married friends. And some of their married friends don’t ask them to join them for events that are family oriented but fun for all. And let’s not even talk about those dinner parties where if you don’t have a partner you are excluded completely. Read more

Getting to Know YOU!

What Happened to ME?
I admit it. Somewhere between the first push in the labor room and the end of my divorce I realized that I lost something. But I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. What was it that I had before I was married? Before I became absorbed in my career, his career, the house, the kids and all that goes with a busy lifestyle. What did I have back in the single days that seemed lost at midlife? Read more

Accept What We Must: Rebel Against the Rest

The philosophy behind the Tao and defiant movement began as a personal quest for me: I wanted to discover just what it was that allowed some women to face their life transitions with joy and grace, while others were less successful at confronting the same challenges.

 

Tao Combined with a Healthy Dose of Defiance
After holding numerous workshops and seminars, and conversing with women from around the country, I learned that those who were most content with their lives – at any age – were women who combined a Tao philosophy with a healthy dose of defiance. 

An understanding of Taoism allows us to recognize that we are all one with nature and that our lives are going to follow a natural path. Fighting that fact only brings stress and unhappiness.

A defiant attitude added to that Tao philosophy endows us with the necessary skills to deal with these changes in a positive and healthy manner. 

The lessons that these Tao and defiant women taught me were so powerful and valuable to me in my life, that I realized they must be shared with others. And, thus, began the writing of my book: The Tao Of The Defiant Woman and a much needed attitude adjustment for me.

It’s All So Natural
The ancient Chinese philosophy of Taoism teaches that as all of nature follows a prescribed path, so, too, do our lives travel down a natural road.   Those principles of the Tao that serve as life examples for us are:

• Wu Wei, which translates into “not forcing”
• Tzu Jan, or “of itself so”
• Te, which means “virtue” as in being the best “you” one can be; and
• Yin/Yang, the polar opposites that make up all of nature and the Universe

When you and I agree to accept these principles as they apply to our lives, we learn that we cannot fight the paths that our lives take, but rather accept that these transitions are going to, and have to, occur.  As we grow older; we face the challenges brought on by our changes bodies; our relationships; indeed, the world around us in its culture and technological advances.

Defiant and Tao Work in Harmony
The word defiant, which would seem to be in conflict with the “go with the flow” attitude of the Tao, actually works in harmony with this ancient Chinese philosophy.  Taoism in not complacent but reminds us all that to keep mind and soul healthy, we must keep our bodies active and vital.  The defiant attitude in the book is not one of “denying” but rather defying outdated stereotypes, self-limiting behaviors and negativity.

The Five Principles of Joyful Living

1. Our Bodies - As Tao and defiant women we recognize that our bodies are changing and we are thankful that they continue to work as well as they do. We need to give ourselves credit for our years rather than denouncing them. It’s about a life richly lead–living that shows in our faces–and elsewhere.  Today’s women must also remember that a change in physical condition need not be the end of an active life.

2. Our Relationships -  Tao and defiant woman understand that our relationships are ever evolving and we accept that, for we know we’re a work in progress, too.

3. Our Friends - We Tao and defiant women treasure our friends and draw strength from the community of women.

4. Our Role Models - Tao and defiant women recognize the importance of positive role models to help guide us, and we strive to be a like examples for others following similar paths.

5. Our World - The defiant woman knows the world around her continues to develop and is content because there is always something new and exciting to learn.

Hiking with a Walker: Now That’s Tao and Defiant!
I have learned to live my life as a Tao and defiant woman.  I do not deny the transitions I face as I travel the path of life, but I accept the challenges that come my way while adding a healthy dash of defiance as I face each one. 
Let me leave you with a most remarkable example of a Tao and defiant woman:  I saw upon her while walking along a nature trail last autumn.  We didn’t speak, I don’t know who she is, but I shall never forget her: this extraordinary elderly lady was strolling down the same rocky path I was taking - but with a major difference – she was pushing a walker. 

Now, that’s Tao and defiant!

How about you?  Are you Tao and defiant?

Author C.J. Golden (The Tao Of The Defiant Woman) is a former speech therapist and actor. Now a freelance columnist and public speaker, she conducts seminars around the country.

Building Your Girlfriend Community

I am often asked by women how can they seek out new friendships and socially interact with other women who share their common interests and values.  I often answer that they need to build their own “women community” and keep reaching out to like minded women.

 

Women Need Community
Women friendships can be found in so many places and enrich our lives in so many ways. Our grandmothers knew how important women bonds were as they gathered around the quilting circle and talked more about life rather than the heirloom they were creating.

Our girlfriends are our cheerleaders, partners in laughter and song, support systems and confidantes. They are there to enhance our life in addition to family, a significant other and colleagues.  Every woman should be so lucky as to have a wonderful pool of friends for all the different parts of her multi-faceted personality. 

Friendships are Diverse
Remember, there is probably no one person who will fulfill all your needs for friendship.  While our closest girlfriends are those who lend a shoulder to cry on; who you can whine to, moan about and who are witnesses to your soul searching journey through life, they might not live close or be in constant contact. While other friends, who have come into your life more recently, may have connected with you for some karmic reason and when the lesson is done, distance grows.

Maybe you’ve connected with someone who you can relate to on one very important level because she went through something you went through… having twins, divorce, breast cancer. And don’t forget the friend who can always put a smile on your face and pull you out of your house when you are “down-in-the-dumps.” For some reason, she is the only one who can get you dancing on your sidewalk as tunes blast from her SUV.

Thrive and Build Your Community
And so it goes with friendships. They ebb and flow like the tide; forever changing as old friendships wither and new friends come into your life, each with their own unique personalities and gifts they bring to you. That’s why building a solid women’s community for yourself is important. Even though friends will come and go, you can thrive through all of life’s changes by maintaining a solid ”girlfriend” infrastructure for support, social outlets and companionship.

Here are some ideas for you to get to know new faces and connect with interesting women:

• Throw a “Pot Luck Girlfriend Gathering” … ask the friends you know to bring a friend or two along. You don’t have to cook and you will up your chances to get to know women with similar interests. By hosting your own female festivity, you will send out the message that you want to get to know new people and reciprocal invitations might then come your way.

• Look for Women Events or Presentations – There are lots of events around town which are usually listed in the community section of your newspaper.  Also look for women building at-home shopping businesses who host events centered around products and fashions.  Look for trunk shows. How about jewelry, kitchen, and knick knack parties that you can host? Also find gatherings centered on an interest of yours, i.e. book stores have book clubs, knitting stores have knitting circles, bike shops have biking clubs. You’ll be learning something new, enjoying a hobby or passion and meeting new women in the process!

• Welcome Women In - Be sure to engage in conversation at events and linger around to socialize. Most importantly have fun. Be open and have a welcoming presence and you’ll attract your own girlfriend community in time. Maybe you can offer something about yourself or ask a question as a conversation starter. Then, be an active listener sending the message that you’re open to get to know this person.

When you have a girlfriend community, you will always have someone to there be for you . . .  no matter what is happening in your life.

Bloom’s Founder and Editor, Barbara Scala, is an attorney turned life coach helping women transition from divorce and career, midlife and other lifestyle changes. She is also the co-author of Sanity Savers: Tips for Women to Live a Balanced Life. Visit her website at www.bloomafterdivorce.com and email her at info@bloomafterdivorce.com.